We all live in a complex network of family members, friends, co-workers or classmates. Generally we would find ways to get along with each other, but once in a while undesirable things happen due to conflicting goals or actions, contrary beliefs and opinions, competition of limited resources or miscommunication. Interpersonal conflict would be the undesirable ‘thing’.
Interpersonal conflict may not necessary turn out bad. It very much depends on how one chooses to deal with the conflict. With the right method, it would lead to greater understanding between the conflicting parties. Choose the wrong method the breakdown of the relationship might be imminent.
I have here a scenario which I would like to share.
Scenario
The Amine family were originally a warm and happy family. Although the 5 brothers do not live together they would organise gatherings once in a while at their parents’ house so that the brothers can get together and do some catching up. The wives can get a chance to show off their culinary skills, the cousins can get to know each other and become good friends and most importantly it is to see the smile on grandpa’s and grandma’s faces. You know how grandparents always like it for the whole family to come together.
However things changed when grandpa died. Grandma was illiterate and did not know how to handle the legal documents and procedures. Hence she engaged the help of her third son, Acid who is an university graduate and lives near her to help her liaise with the lawyer to carry out granddad’s will. All the other brothers were agreeable to granny’s decision as they know they are not the expert in this area and it would be very troublesome to try to look into the nitty gritty details. But the 5th brother, Base did not think that granny’s decision was appropriate. He thinks that by letting only one person handle such a large amount of money and property (by the way grandpa was quite a rich man), you would not know if he would keep his hands to himself. Coupled with the fact that granny does not understand the whole proceedings and would sign on the documents that Acid tells her to, Base thinks that Acid might keep some things for himself. In this case, the other brothers would not be getting what they ought to get.
In actual fact Base has raised a valid point. It is understood that humans are selfish by nature, especially when money is involved. Hence he has every reason to suspect Acid. However, that is not the way to treat people who are close to you, especially your brother. One would usually trust their kin and it is absolutely reasonable for Acid to be angry with Base for not trusting him. Moreover, all the other brothers were nonchalant about it.
So now, Base thinks that granny should not just leave all the stuff for Acid to handle while Acid is unhappy that Base does not trust him and every time they meet there would be arguments.
What should Acid and Base do to prevent the conflict from escalating further? Comments are greatly welcome and appreciated:)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHello bei!
ReplyDeleteHaha. Actually i have some family conflict that resulted after the death of my grandmother too. Its quite complicated so i shall not elaborate further else this will be my 2nd blog post on this topic. haha. Conflict involving money issues and especially with relatives can be a little hard to handle.
Base should know if Acid is such a person. After all,they grew up together and since they are described as a warm family, i assume they are close? True, money can blind a person so even though Base may know that Acid is not such a person he can't help suspecting.
Maybe Base could ask Acid out for a talk (over coffee or something) and discuss it with him. How he knows that Acid is not such a person but nonetheless, what he is dealing with involves money and it is better if he includes and discuss the relevant matters with the brothers before asking Granny to sign to prevent any misunderstandings that may occur after the distribution of wealth.
Hi Bei Ning,
ReplyDeleteI think that the best way to handle such situations is for base and acid to communicate as frequently as possible throughout the proceedings. Although acid appears to be the expert in such matters, he should explain things like what is being done etc. to base (and in fact to his entire family).
I also agree with Angelina that since they are brothers they ought to know each other inside out, or at least know what he will or will not do. If I were base, I would give acid the trust but at the same time, ask that acid be open about giving them information about the proceedings.
This situation in extremely tricky because trust is supposed to be there in a family. However, if they could look past their differences and come to a compromise they could be a stronger family.
We often thought that this kind of situations would only occur in the HK or Taiwanese drama serials not knowing that they are actually happening around us. One of my close friend experienced the same problem a few years ago when her grandfather died too.
ReplyDeleteI felt that money issues should be made known to the parties involved even in the family context so as to avoid unforeseen conflicts. The other siblings might be nonchalant about the money issue now, but if one day they happen to need a huge sum of money urgently, they would start to question Acid about it or even accuse him of editing the relevant documents.
However, as this is a sensitive issue, Base should express his concern to Acid tactfully. He could probably ask Acid to send them the relevant documents and update them on the progress, or he could even offer his help. Instead of pushing all the work to Acid, he could assist Acid in handling the legal procedures.
Anyway, since they are Acid and Base, I believe that they would eventually find a (neutral) SOLUTION to the problem.
Whoa mj chem students unite man!I chose the names Acid and Base hoping that both the brothers can come together to find a neutral solution:)
ReplyDelete